emptiness

i feel empty. like my life has no purpose and i don't know why. it's terrible absolutley terrible. i feel like crying it's so bad but i can't physically bring myself to do it. i wish i could feel something, anything. my soul feels as if the angel of death has passed by and looked upon me and said you shall be no longer and killed the part of me that feels and thrives. apparently that is no longer. im numb and i still feel hatred and anger and that's it and it runs through my blood as hot as the firey pits of hell if such a place existed. i can no longer say in good faith if there is a good god and we are all that beings children. if there was a good god he wouldn't allow a good person to feel like they're in hell, he wouldn't let his children go to hell he would stop them from the thing that would have sent them there. no there is no truly good god. there may be a higher being but they are a sadist and allows people to suffer when they can intervine and they would be able to if they supposedly created everything. no there is no good god. i wish there was . i don't want this life to be a test for a monster.

midnight writer